?

Log in

No account? Create an account
 
 
03 September 2006 @ 10:08 pm
Ficlets: The Office x2, Firefly, Gilmore Girls  
I wrote some ficlets for a meme!

For annakovsky, Five futures Kelly Kapour imagines for herself.

1. She could be a corporate bigwig like Jan, and have really nice clothes like that. Although probably with a little more color. She bets Jan has a really great apartment in New York, the kind that looks like something out of a magazine, except kind of sad and unlived in, and when she ordered drinks at bars people would be intrigued by how sad and mysterious she looked, like she had a storied past, or had made the wrong choices and been unlucky in love. She'd travel around to all the company branches in a car with satellite radio, sweeping in and out of people's lives, and all the managers would have secret crushes on her, but she definitely, definitely wouldn't make out with any of them.

2. It's not totally impossible that someday Brad Pitt will be in Scranton filming something on location, or maybe she'll be out in California on vacation sometime and they'll bump into each other at Starbucks and he'll accidentally spill his drink on her and even though she says oh, no, Brad, that's okay, he'll feel so bad he'll invite her out with his friends that night and end up totally falling for her. She'll make him suffer a little, as payment for what he did to Jennifer Aniston, but in the end she'll completely move out to live with him in LA or Africa or wherever... but hopefully LA. Angelina will have left him to go dig wells or maybe hook up with George Clooney to see how ridiculously good-looking a baby she can have, and all the magazines will have rumors about how she secretly hates Kelly, who'll have to nurse Brad's wounded heart back to health. It could totally happen. After all Nic Cage married that waitress, right?

3. Maybe her mom will get her way and Kelly will marry some Indian guy from a good family but maybe he'll want her to cook a lot of traditional food all the time and he won't understand that it's really important to have an SUV instead of a minivan and his mother will want to live with them and tell her how to raise the kids.

4. One of these days Ryan is going to actually call her for once and that will be the turning point: he'll realize that she's fun to hang out with (she always plays those drinking games with his friends, after all) and he'll tell her she looks pretty when she's bought a whole new outfit and they'll go away for the weekend or something and eventually he'll take her out to dinner somewhere super nice with mood lighting and he'll ask her to marry him and she'll cry and everyone in the restaurant will clap when she says yes and she'll get to buy bridal magazines and they'll find a house, something cute that they can fix up together, and when she tells him she's pregnant he'll look so, so happy and their kids will be absolutely gorgeous and he'll hold her hand in the supermarket and come home to her every night.

5. The one where she never gets married and she turns into a spinster and Ryan's temp contract expires and Toby quits and Pam and Phyllis quit and she works at Dunder Mifflin forever.


For iamsab, Five Reasons Pam's a Whore, According to Angela

1. She's living with a man she's not married to. Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free?

2. Once in the bathroom at work Angela was washing her hands and Pam was rummaging through her purse and she said, "Hey, um, Angela, do you have a tampon?"

3. In the summer she wears short sleeve shirts with scoop necks that let you see her collarbones, and every once in a while her bra strap slips down so everyone can see it for a moment before she shrugs it back into place. Pink or blue or green.

4. One morning Angela came into work early and found Pam sitting on Roy's lap at reception, her hands in his hair, his hand creeping up her leg, under the hem of her skirt, and they didn't stop kissing until she cleared her throat pointedly.

5. Because right now Michael is out of the office for lunch and Pam is sitting on the edge of Jim's desk, swinging her legs and laughing while she leans over to watch him play his PSP and he's calling her by her last name and trading insults without looking up and it's just shameful, is what it is.


For iamsab, Five Things Inara Taught Mal About Sex

1. Casually, during dinner with the entire crew: that it's common practice among young women of rich families on Core planets to contract with a Companion, male or female, to lose their virginity. Luckily Jayne found this concept so noteworthy that he started choking on his stew and Mal could smack him on the back and make some disparaging comments about his libido to mask his own reaction.

2. About the existence of a particularly mystifying sex toy in a particularly lurid shade of purple which rolled across the floor and came to rest against the toe of his boot. It wasn't Mal's fault he was in her shuttle to discuss their itinerary (even if she had just been telling him they could easily discuss this in any number of other locations without him barging in unannounced) just when they hit a particularly rough patch of ion storm that made Serenity lurch and a row of Inara's shelves fall down. She still rushed him out of her shuttle with a barrage of biting comments on an entirely new level, and-- was her face red? Mal went on the Cortex late that night and found out the exact purpose of the object -- he did not ask her whether it was for business or pleasure (much to his credit, he felt), but he did find it mighty near impossible to keep from smirking around her for the next several days.

3. That calling a woman a whore can twist so it seems less than satisfying after aw hile. So it seems downright wrong, in a pit of his stomach kind of way. How this wasn't about sex and it was.

4. Sex with a Companion is much like sex with normal people, especially if you're both angry and yelling and then it's all rug-burned knees and knocked teeth and momentary bad angles and complete rightness.

5. Much later, what sex with a Companion could really be like -- because they'd been bored or because he'd asked or some fool reason. It was all sinuous movement and smoldering looks and flicks of the wrist and not like sleeping with Inara at all. Falling asleep he muttered in her hair that they shouldn't ever do that again.


For allthingsholy, Five parties Emily Gilmore attended without Richard on her arm.

1. Her own coming out into society; she didn't know Richard then, of course, and the son of some of her parents' friends, Keith Emerson, served as her escort for the evening. Her dress was perfectly tailored and her hair set in stiff waves and she knew she looked perfect. If Keith snuck off later to kiss Chrissy Daniels on the lawn, what did that matter to her? She was a lady of society now. (Just after they were married she asked Richard if he'd ever been an escort at a debutante ball and was perversely satisfied when he said he didn't think he had.)

2. Lorelai's fifteenth birthday party. Richard was away on business and Emily had nearly called off the entire event after a particularly nasty fight with Lorelai, who seemed to get more brazen in her rebellion every day, but the caterer already had the deposit, and there was image to think about. At the party the canapes were sub-par and Elizabeth McIverson managed a particularly barbed comment about Emily's drapes and Lorelai disappeared entirely to be discovered later in the cellar with Christopher Hayden, a bottle of wine, and four boys Emily didn't know. It was the last birthday party she ever threw her daughter: a year later she was too pregnant to be seen in public, and a year after that she had taken the baby and run away and Emily had no idea where or how she spent her birthday.

3. The DAR luncheon for the Francis Scott Key Society, just after Richard moved out to the pool house; the event went off marvelously, three people complimented her on the crab puffs, and when two of the women mingling on the deck asked why the curtains to the pool house were drawn, she told them they were having renovations done. Richard didn't come home until the caterers were breaking down the tables and he didn't look at her on his way into the pool house.

4. Rory's bachelorette party was for women only, obviously. "Even us old married types," Lorelai said loudly after her first two drinks, patting Emily's hand and frowning dramatically at her own ring. It was a little too raucous for Emily's taste but Rory looked lovely, as always, and people -- Sookie, Lane, that brusque Gellar girl -- all took turns coming over to make small talk with her. It made Emily feel old, for once, that her granddaughter could be getting married. Emily had changed not only her diapers but her mother's diapers, and in three days she'd be walking down the aisle in a gown Emily had made sure was sure to be the talk of the society pages. Richard was asleep when she got home but he woke up when she got into bed. "How was it?" he asked sleepily, and Emily shifted her pillow, fluffing it until it was the right shape. "Fine," she said, and then listened to his breathing even out, thinking of when they were that young, when she first knew for sure this was the man she wanted to spend her life with, when everything was in front of them.

5. Richard's wake. The candlesticks weren't polished enough and she kept having to shake hands with people whose names she barely remembered, but it was overall a tasteful affair. Her best black dress still fit, and every time she turned around Lorelai or Rory was at her elbow. She kept catching herself scanning the room, though, for someone taller than the rest of the crowd. A reason she could slip away to make sure he agreed with her assessment of the whole event, to just take a moment--. No one was there, though, of course, and wouldn't be. It was all so stupid.
 
 
 
the opposite of batmanpearl_o on September 4th, 2006 02:44 am (UTC)

5. Much later, what sex with a Companion could really be like -- because they'd been bored or because he'd asked or some fool reason. It was all sinuous movement and smoldering looks and flicks of the wrist and not like sleeping with Inara at all. Falling asleep he muttered in her hair that they shouldn't ever do that again.


Oh, dude, I loved that.
Kyra Cullinankyrafic on September 4th, 2006 03:29 am (UTC)
Thanks! Why isn't there more fic about crazy weird hot Companion sex?
(no subject) - pearl_o on September 4th, 2006 03:39 am (UTC) (Expand)
It's a secret.livelovebelieve on September 4th, 2006 03:23 am (UTC)
Ahh I loved the Angela and Kelly ones!

. She's living with a man she's not married to. Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free?

Lol. Angela would totally say that.
Kyra Cullinankyrafic on September 4th, 2006 03:30 am (UTC)
Thank you! Heh, oh, Angela.

(Nice icon!)
lightning rod for criticism: office: hello tiny oneannakovsky on September 4th, 2006 04:30 am (UTC)
Dude, I don't even CARE about Emily and Richard Gilmore, and you about ripped my heart out. His WAKE, and Rory's bachelorette party, and Lorelai's fifteenth party, the last one she ever threw for her! Man.

ALSO, your Mal/Inara is totally hot, which is creepy 'cause I don't even like them together, and your KELLY omg. Every single one of those Kelly ones is perfect and amazing and makes me SAD. Oh, RYAN. Oh, Brad Pitt. Hahahaha. AWESOME. YOU ARE THE BEST.
Kyra Cullinan: where you leadkyrafic on September 7th, 2006 05:03 pm (UTC)
Emily Gilmore is a stone-cold bitch and perfect for some UBER ANGST. I love her.

Thank youuuuuu!
Barbies May Bite Meobsession_inc on September 4th, 2006 04:54 am (UTC)
THIS IS AWSEOME:

4. Sex with a Companion is much like sex with normal people, especially if you're both angry and yelling and then it's all rug-burned knees and knocked teeth and momentary bad angles and complete rightness.

5. Much later, what sex with a Companion could really be like -- because they'd been bored or because he'd asked or some fool reason. It was all sinuous movement and smoldering looks and flicks of the wrist and not like sleeping with Inara at all. Falling asleep he muttered in her hair that they shouldn't ever do that again.


BOTH OF THOSE. YES. YAAAAAAAYYYYYYY!!!
Kyra Cullinankyrafic on September 7th, 2006 05:04 pm (UTC)
Heeee, THANKS! Where is all the weird, dirty Companion!sex fic, eh?
(Deleted comment)
Kyra Cullinan: where you leadkyrafic on September 7th, 2006 05:15 pm (UTC)
Oh, wow, thank you so much for such great feedback! (And dude, I adore your icon: Lorelai/Christopher is so hot and interesting.

The idea of Richard dying and Emily still being there after everything kind of makes ME want to die! Oh, that show. I love all the ordinariness of it (which incidentally is what I love about The Office).
redefining success as just showing up: Lorelai - *head in hands*baggers on September 4th, 2006 01:59 pm (UTC)
Surfing in via I don't even know how.

The Emily one is fantastically sad. And the Mal/Inara one is just fantastic.
Kyra Cullinan: where you leadkyrafic on September 7th, 2006 05:15 pm (UTC)
Oh, thank you so much!
amerella on September 5th, 2006 03:14 am (UTC)
I love the Kelly Kapour one. Kelly isn't my favourite character from The Office by any means, but she is one of my favourites to read fic about.

Haha, and the Angela one!

Once in the bathroom at work Angela was washing her hands and Pam was rummaging through her purse and she said, "Hey, um, Angela, do you have a tampon?"

That is just SO GOOD.
Kyra Cullinan: winnerskyrafic on September 7th, 2006 05:15 pm (UTC)
Heeee, fic about Kelly has made her SO much more sympathetic to me. Aww, Kelly!

THANKS!
zandra_x on September 5th, 2006 06:14 am (UTC)
If I weren't falling asleep at my desk, I'd pick out lines to say how much I liked them, but I'll just say, very enjoyable.
Kyra Cullinankyrafic on September 7th, 2006 05:16 pm (UTC)
Thank you!
Melissa/Sweetsweet_seventeen on September 6th, 2006 12:04 am (UTC)
OMG. Pam is a WHORE because she uses tampons people! Brilliant, just brilliant. Hahahaha! *ahem* Oh, and Kelly's #4 and 5 were just SO SAD. Oh, Kelly. That's the first like "Ryan and I are gonna get married and have babies OMG" Kelly-ism (if you will, I'm kind of exhausted, lol) that I've come across that was not only totally her, but not TOO over the top at the same time. Awesome, awesome job. :)

Kyra Cullinankyrafic on September 7th, 2006 05:16 pm (UTC)
Oh, thank you!

that was not only totally her, but not TOO over the top at the same time

Whew, I'm really glad you think so -- it's a tricky balance to strike. :)
(Anonymous) on September 6th, 2006 06:10 am (UTC)
I loo-ooo-ooove these. I keep coming back and trying to say something excellent and worthwhile and I just keep going, "Kelly! Secret crushes! Holding hands at the supermarket! Companion sex! RICHARD'S WAKE!" and then I get all gibbery and it's no good.

So suffice it to say, NICELY DONE, MADAM.
Kyra Cullinan: winnerskyrafic on September 7th, 2006 05:17 pm (UTC)
Thank you very much!
(no subject) - fishknifeseller on September 23rd, 2006 12:24 am (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - kyrafic on September 23rd, 2006 12:35 am (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - fishknifeseller on September 24th, 2006 06:45 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(Anonymous) on September 8th, 2006 02:11 pm (UTC)
i loved all these. i'm just getting into the office, which is awesome, and the fandom, which awesomer (i know, it's totally not a word, but goodfic! totally reduces me to making up words) but the firefly one is just so right and pitch-perfect and makes me squee! and emily, poor emily who is so very, very hard and unlikeable but who you made me love and feel so sympathetic for!
(Deleted comment)
(no subject) - kyrafic on September 23rd, 2006 12:22 am (UTC) (Expand)
*: honeyhoney_wheeler on September 10th, 2006 10:42 pm (UTC)
Okay. I swear that I commented on this. I remember going through, like, three drafts because most of them devolved into squealing. Was that something else? Was that someWHERE else? I REALLY FEEL LIKE I'M LOSING MY MIND HERE.

These are all super fantastic and sad and lovely and I would have told you so AGES ago if my grip on reality weren't suddenly tenuous.

No, I specifically remember commenting about the hand-holding in the supermarket! I know I did! Because it made me all wibbly and everything! Where'd that GO? ARGH.
Kyra Cullinankyrafic on September 23rd, 2006 12:22 am (UTC)
Heee, I think it's 'cause I crossposted! But double feedback works for ME!

Thank you AGAIN!
(Deleted comment)
Kyra Cullinankyrafic on September 23rd, 2006 12:22 am (UTC)
Thanks!
Elizabeth Scripturient (the delinquent, ecumenical: guhhermionesviolin on December 29th, 2006 05:37 am (UTC)
4. Sex with a Companion is much like sex with normal people, especially if you're both angry and yelling and then it's all rug-burned knees and knocked teeth and momentary bad angles and complete rightness.

5. Much later, what sex with a Companion could really be like -- because they'd been bored or because he'd asked or some fool reason. It was all sinuous movement and smoldering looks and flicks of the wrist and not like sleeping with Inara at all. Falling asleep he muttered in her hair that they shouldn't ever do that again.


::love::
sweetumms33sweetumms33 on January 9th, 2007 08:38 pm (UTC)
I adore the last two in the Firefly one. Mal is all about rug burns!

I LOVE the Emily 5. She is my favorite character on Gilmore Girls and each mini-story fits her so well. Nice job!